I'd originally come here to see the writings of a friend, but now this may evolve into something more...

Since a recent incident, I have been adrift, tossed by various emotions... I vacillate between sadness, guilt, sexual tension, loss, longing.  I believe that I had a real mental and emotional connection, but it was not enough.  I could not convince myself to not see the physical being that housed this amazing mind.  It is said that physical attraction is not something we can control, it is something that is hard wired into our psyche.  I dont know if this is true, but many homosexuals might agree...

The road to this place is long, perhaps longer than even I realized.  The seeds of my somewhat unusual appetites had probably been planted long ago.  The sprouts had only to be watered.  I finally made the decision to fulfill the fantasies that plague my mind, fuel my desire, consume my imagination...

My mind and loins were soon addicted to my magic man.  As we emailed and chatted, his words had the infallible ability to excite me beyond reason....My mind and imagination were ensnared in his erotic web.  My body was electrified, my pussy wet and swollen, my nipples aching, my breath catching, the blood pounding thick and hot through my veins.  His words alone were enough to cause me to cum without touching myself, in my cube at work, hoping that my colleagus would not hear my panting breaths... 

Obviously, I must have this!  I must experience this, revel in this depravity.... 

Alas, though I tried to put myself mentally in the same place as he had taken me so many times before, I could not find the way.  I could not feel attracted, though I still wish it so.  After a very brief attempt to make all our fantaties come true, I abandoned him. 

I do not seek forgiveness from him, only that he know that I regret any hurt I may have caused.  I hope that he knows how much I miss our very lusty chats.  That I still long for all that we'd talked about and hate that I cannot will myself to feel....That my praise for his gift with words is genuine.

The sad truth of the matter is that REALITY BITES. I can only hope that time will dim this suffering that I feel, that maybe if I ignore my sub carnal needs they will go away...